How Do You Handle a Setback?

The short answer to that, for me, is not well…at first.

In fact, ‘not well’ is a gross understatement. Depending on the particulars of the setback, on one end of the spectrum, I may get angry and loud or on the other end, I may get positively hysterical, screaming and crying and pounding my fist on the closest hard surface, be it a table or someone’s noggin.

The latter was a recent reaction to losing an entire manuscript just as I was about to begin editing. Doesn’t matter how it happened, but my reaction was over the top, just a little. (I pounded my desk and not Hubby’s head, by the way.)

Naturally, all I could think about was how much time, blood, sweat and tears went into that story. How would I ever retrieve the whole of it from my less than stellar memory? Did I even have any more blood, sweat and tears to shed? And time? Well, I had beta readers and a pro editor waiting on me. The rest of the day is a blur of padding around the house with my head down, staring into space, while alternately indulging in fits of sobbing.

My mood had brightened by the time I woke the next morning. Oh I was still reeling from the shock of it all, but I could see clearly now what I had to do.

There was only one thing I could allow myself to do…begin again.

On the path to your own dreams and goals, all sorts of obstacles can block the path. The small stones that can litter the path are easy to kick out of your way. Then, there is the monstrous boulder. When it falls onto your path, you need some help moving an obstacle of that size.

In my case, I had my Hubs, kids and a few friends telling me “Things happen for a reason” and “The book will be better than before”.

Yes, it might be better. Or, it might not.

And that’s the rub.

Whatever you choose to believe is what you can expect to happen.

A covey of dark angels swoop down on you and ask questions like:

“Are you sure you want to do this all over again?”

“Wouldn’t you rather sit back, binge on chocolate and read all day?”

“You don’t really think a second book can possibly be better than your first masterpiece, do you?”

“Hahahaha! Sucker! This was meant to be. Don’t waste your time rewriting!”

Yes, my dark angels really did say all those things. But not immediately.

At first, I was pumped up to write my “better” story. I knew I could accomplish it in a matter of a few weeks, too! My fingers flew over the keys…the first 3 days!

They waited for my weakest moment. The moment my burst of excitement, drive and confidence wore thin. I was easy prey.

The most evil dark angel appeared with all of his needling and prodding to get me to quit. I could have listened. I was certainly tempted. I even took time to think it through.

“Should I drop this book? Maybe losing it was a sign that I shouldn’t be writing it.”

An image of myself ‘walking down the street, shoulders hunched forward, tattered clothes, messy hair, carrying a bottle of gin’ flashed in front of my mind’s eye…that would be me as a quitter.

I’M NO QUITTER!

So I got right back to writing my story. My fingers aren’t flying as fast and I’ll need to replot the majority of the book but, it’s a fabulous feeling.

When you have a setback – when a big ol’boulder jumps in your way – take another path or find a way to scoot around that boulder and continue on your way to reach your goals.

Whatever you do, don’t listen to those dark angels partying on your shoulder.

DON’T QUIT. READJUST, INSTEAD.

You may have reacted differently that I in a similar situation.

Care to share your reaction to a setback in goals or plans?

We Have a Winner!

Happy July 6th!

Today’s the day we promised to announce the winner of a $50 Amazon or Barnes and noble gift card just for being an awesome supporter of the Life List Club and a fellow life lister!

Our winner is ….

Emma Burcart

Congratulations, Emma!

Please contact Marcia Richards at:

Marcia dot A dot Richards at gmail dot com

Send me your email address with your choice of eGiftCards and I’ll send your prize along right away!

A big THANK YOU goes out to all of our commenters. we hope to see you see regularly here at the Life List Club!

Surprisification

A Milestone was coming, a Life List Milestone Party, A Life List Club Celebration.

WOOT!

I’m new to this club we call Life List, so I asked a question of my Life List Mates:

“What goal on your Life List surprised you most or brought about the most unforeseen changes?”

With any luck, those surprises or changes would be of the WOO HOO persuasion.

‘Who’d have thought from an online class would come a perfect circle of  friends?’ Self-proclaimed ‘procrastinator of major proportions’, our Marcia Richards has been knocking the goals off her Life List at a satisfying rate, but it is Goal # 6, finding a critique group, that is the winner of major proportion.

Last summer Marcia joined an online class, subject: blogging. Real friendships were formed, a tight-knit group who support and encourage, discuss and share writing, publishing and marketing tips and brand development.

But books and writing and promotion aren’t the only subjects the group tackles. Personal issues, fears, proud moments and bouts with the flu–anything is up for discussion. Writes Marcia, ‘This band of men and women are the most generous and supportive group of people I could ever hope to have found. I was certain I would never find a group that was a good fit… We are each other’s inspiration, motivation and lifeline in so many ways every single day.’

Lara’s goals are on target!

No one particular goal has made a huge impact for Lara Schiffbauer. Rather, Lara has learned to identify how many excuses she mastered when not achieving past goals. Better, ‘I have learned I am capable of much more than I ever thought.‘  Lara also learned ‘that it’s all right to let some goals slide while I work like a fiend to achieve a goal that has gained importance. Now I know I have no excuses!’

When Sonia Medeiros started with LLC, she assumed that it would be a fairly straight path to the end of her fantasy novel.

For those of us who have taken a ride on the revision train more times than we can count, that there is a big ole Ka-snort!

Says Sonia, “I was well into it and I (mostly) knew where I wanted to go. I thought it was just a matter of committing to the goal and seeing it through. As it turned out, I wasn’t ready to complete that story yet. I put it on the back burner to focus on expanding another work, Postcards from Hell.”

When she started out, Sonia thought she had to complete the goal she set, but has since learned that, “sometimes, life takes us in another direction. I learned that it’s okay to follow those twists and turns. In fact, sometimes the most interesting places are only found if we go with the flow.” 

Jess Witkins claimed the title Perseverance Expert not long after she began blogging.  But those words were put to the test when she took on the goal that was giving her most trouble square in the face!  After a grueling 2 weeks that caused relationship problems, friendship concerns, family phone calls, a terrible diet, and less sleep than anyone should be operating vehicles under, Jess Witkins completed Fast Draft.

“My Life List Goal to write everyday was never stronger.  Week 1 of Fast Draft was fabulous!  I averaged about 10 pages a day on my book and I’d prepared well both in plotting and blogging ahead the week before.  When week 2 came crashing forward, there were troubles in Coupledom, a friend’s wedding plans to attend to, my sister was recovering from cancer, the shelves in the fridge were empty, and I was having more than one night of only 3 hours of sleep.” 

You know what, gang?  “I’m grateful for all of it!“  She may not have kept up with the impressive page count during that tough time, but she still kept writing and she learned about what’s truly important to her and how to balance it in her crazy busy life.  “That’s priceless.”

Gary Gauthier says he was “aiming for the stars” and we shouldn’t be disappointed if he doesn’t accomplish all his goals.

“Two of my Life List goals were a little lofty because I wanted to motivate myself and see how far it would get me. The plan worked. What I didn’t foresee was how much I would learn along the way. The good news is, I’m still on track.”

And now, the time has come to answer the question myself.  Compiling my Life List was easier than I thought, and helped me streamline and compartmentalize my goals. Not sure if that’s a surprise or a relief! Having the list helped me see where I was, where I wanted to be, how to prioritize, and most notable of all, identify the goals on my list that weren’t taking me where I wanted to go. As a result, I exercised an Executive Prerogative, and dropped 3 items from my list, an entire category, within a month of becoming a Life Lister.

You may not be an official member of The Life List Club, but if you follow this blog, even if you read the odd post, then you likely have a list of your own, in your head, if not on paper or in cyberspace. If any goals have surprised you, inspired you, changed how you do things, we hope you’ll share with us in a comment.

And you’ll want to leave a comment, trust me. One random reader who leaves a Life List comment on any of our posts between June 29, 2012 (Holy Calendar, Batman! That’s today!) and July 6, 2012, will receive a $50 gift card. Amazon or Barnes & Noble: Winner’s Choice!

Be sure to visit us for the announcement on July 6. The Surprisification may belong to you!

For more Milestone festivities, please visit our individual blogs. You can find each and every one of us on the blogroll to your right. Party on!

Albert Einstein’s Secret To a Creative Life

Do you think of Albert Einstein as a creative? He was.

His left brain was hard at work in the fields of physics and mathematics. His right brain assisted the left in developing his theories.

He was exposed to music early in life and learned to play the violin. He fell in love with Mozart’s Sonatas and is quoted as saying, “Love is a better teacher than a sense of duty.”

A love of art in any form allows creativity to flow in the interpretation of the medium.

Einstein, himself, can explain his secret better via this  summary of a story I read about him.

In 1955, Jerome Weidman, a novelist, screenwriter and Pulitzer Prize-winning playwright who died in 1998, met Albert Einstein at a dinner party hosted by a New York philanthropist.

After dinner,  the guests were led to a room lined with gilded chairs and a setup for musicians. Jerome was immediately uncomfortable realizing he was about to be entertained with chamber music.

It wasn’t that Jerome didn’t want to enjoy music; he just couldn’t. He closed his ears from the inside as the music played and turned his thoughts to anything but music.

After a while he realized people were clapping. He decided it was safe to unplug his ears and he joined them in their applause. A voice next to him said, “Are you fond of Bach?”

Jerome turned to his neighbor and looked into this man’s extraordinary eyes.  He knew he couldn’t lie to this man…Albert Einstein. Jerome explained that he had never heard Bach’s music and didn’t know anything about him. Besides, all music sounded like just a lot of arranged noise.

“It isn’t that I don’t want to like Bach, it’s just that I’m tone deaf and I’ve never really heard anybody’s music.”

At that, Einstein’s face took on a look of serious concern. He took Jerome by the arm, led him upstairs to a book-lined study and closed the door.

Einstein began to question Jerome about his feelings toward music.  “Tell me, please, is there any kind of music that you do like?”

“Well, I like songs with words and the kind of music where I can follow the tune. I like almost anything by Bing Crosby”

Einstein smiled and nodded, “Good!”
Einstein went to the phonograph and put on a record of Bing Crosby. After a few phrases, he lifted the needle and said, “Now, will you tell me, please, what you just heard?”

For Jerome the simplest answer was to sing the words back to Einstein. He sang it the best he could and the look on Einstein’s face ‘was like the sunrise’. “You see? You do have an ear!”

Jerome thought that was nonsense. Einstein used an analogy to explain it for Jerome. “Do you remember your first arithmetic lesson in school? Suppose at your very first contact with numbers, your teacher had ordered you to work out a problem in, say, long division or fractions. Could you have done so?”

Jerome answered, “No, of course not.”

“Precisely!” Einstein made a triumphant wave with his arm. “It would have been impossible and you would have reacted in panic. You would have closed your mind to long division and fractions. As a result, your whole life would be devoid of the beauty of long division.”

Einstein continued to explain that a teacher would normally begin with something more elementary and increase the difficulty as the boy gained skills.
He likened the Bing Crosby music to simple addition and told Jerome they would go on to something more complicated.

With each more difficult set of musical phrases, Jerome sang them all back to Einstein. Einstein was thrilled with Jerome’s progress. “Now you are ready for Bach!”

Back in the music room with the other guests, Einstein whispered to Jerome,

“Just allow yourself to listen. That is all.”

When the concert was over, Jerome was genuinely applauding his praise. The hostess came over to chastise Einstein for missing so much of the performance.

Einstein and Jerome jumped to the feet to apologize. Einstein said, “I am sorry. My young friend here and I were engaged in the greatest activity of which man is capable.” Einstein put arm around Jerome’s shoulders and said,

“Opening up yet another fragment of the frontier of beauty.“

I guess a far shorter way to say this would have been something my 4th grade Nun used to tell us. “Stop walking around with your eyes and ears closed!” In other words, be open to everything beautiful around you. Don’t be afraid to experience or try new things. Creativity will come.

But I like Albert Einstein’s story better.

As writers, painters, singers, quilters, woodworkers, cooks or any other creative you can think of, we often told ourselves untruths when we were novices.

Our inner critics would say, “You’ll never be any good at this. Why keep trying? Look at So-and-so over there and how well she’s doing. You should just give up.”

Some take those lies to heart and do give up. Others press on toward success.

The most important advice I read as I was learning the craft of writing a book was this (I’d love to credit the person who said, but I can’t remember who it was):

“Don’t compare your beginning to someone else’s middle.”

When just finishing my 1st draft, comparing myself to the likes of James Rollins, Stephen King or Christina Dodd is self-defeating.

My most important goals are to be the best I can be, never stop learning, and always be open to discovering new ideas, noticing the beauty of nature and cheering on others who do the same.

What will you do to open up yet another fragment of the frontier of beauty?

What are your most important goals? What lies have you told yourself?

Come back on Friday when Sonia Medeiros will be here!

And don’t forget that June 29th is the One – Year Anniversary of The Life List Club AND it’s Milestone Party time!! Woohoo! 

We Life Listers would like our readers to answer the same question all of us writers will answer: What goal on your Life List has held the most surprise or invoked the most unforeseen benefits/changes?

Post your answer in the comment section of our Milestone Friday post between June 29th and July 6th. The BIG WINNER will be announced on July 6th.

What sort of prize would mean the most to all of you?

Our Passionate Lives

My biggest goal in life is to live with passion and to discover new passions along the way.

In the first half of our adult lives, we are constantly defined by our relations to others such as parents, children, spouses, and bosses.

In the second half of our lives, we can choose to design a new identity. We have the time and the options to find and follow an undiscovered path to our passions.

My research and observations tell me that mature women, those 50-something’s, some nicknamed “Cougars”, have truly taken possession of the second half of their adulthood, and I love being part of that group.

We’re bold and passionate, bursting with vitality and, yet, joyfully mellow.

Age brings its own brand of insecurity. Do you ever feel that women over 50 become invisible to some men? Some men over 50 seem to be looking the way of the younger, thinner, blonder type. (Maybe they have the same worries about their passionate lives as we.)

At first, we may think we can no longer attract a man’s attention…even our own man. Some introspection focused on the positives can help that fear fade.

If we look around, we begin to see celebrated women such as, Raquel Welch, Helen Mirren, and Diane Keaton held as the epitome of “middle-age”. This is a giant signal with flashing lights that we need to embrace the perks of being our age.

What are the benefits of our age?

We have what younger women have, and more!

• We have energy, enthusiasm, wit, passion, drive and wisdom.
• We have more control of our lives, a deeper confidence, a soul-soothing, inner harmony.
• We are amazingly imaginative when we need to develop a network of companionship, fun and purpose to sustain us.

Now is the time to intensify our other attractions.

If you look inward and find no sense of mastery, no belief in yourself, don’t despair! Passion and mastery can be created. Challenge yourself with a specific action, something new you’ve never done before.

Recruit a support system, including those who love you. The experience of succeeding and the positive feedback from your supporters will be the final step in securing the belief that you can create a new identity, one that will liberate you.

With this reawakening of ourselves, we become fortified for whatever lies ahead. Life throws us curves, illnesses beset us or those around us, beauty fades, age takes our loved ones.

Life was meant to be lived. Curiosity must be kept alive. One must never turn his back on life. –Eleanor Roosevelt

Curiosity must never die. When one door closes, another opens. We have to have the courage to walk through the door without looking back.

We can tap into the skills and talents that have lain dormant, unused. We can search for meaningfulness. We deserve lives full with quality — great emotional and physical health, relationships that enhance our being, a purpose that helps us grow.

You don’t have to be over 50 to adopt this way of living, either. Anyone at any age is capable of bringing more passion into their life.

Living with passion should be on everyone’s life list, right? My passions keep me learning something new everyday! That’s most of what makes up my Life List!

How do you live your life with passion? Tell us about something new you’ve tried recently. Is it on your Life List?

Be sure to come back on Friday! The fabulous Sonia Medeiros will be here to enlighten and entertain!

10 Personal Commandments for Living Well

Welcome back to the Life List Club! If this is your first time here, check the archives for some amazing posts. If you missed Sherry Isaac’s post on Wednesday, you can read it HERE.

We all have a set of rules we live by, whether we state them or not. They may reflect our values and morals, our thoughts on how to be the best we can be or simply lists of things we carry in our heads and use everyday – ‘I will do this, I won’t do that’.

I definitely won’t do anything illegal. I won’t deliberately hurt anyone. I will love my family. I will take care of my responsibilities. I will be accountable for my behavior. I won’t lie, cheat or betray.These are a given, for me. Let’s go deeper…let’s give these bones some muscle:

(Bet you couldn’t tell I’m a list-maker…hence the Life List Club. Without a list of goals, plans and to-do’s, I’d lose my way.)

1) Eat - Healthy, that is. No diets, no forbidden foods. Just lots of good-for-you-food. Whole grains, fruits, vegetables, eggs, low-sugar-fat-free yogurt, chicken/turkey/fish, olive oil, nuts and a little bit of dark, dark chocolate.

Great walk-at-home program.

2) Move – Reaching for the remote to change the channel does not count as moving. Walking from the couch to the refrigerator and taking a stroll in the park barely counts. What counts most is a brisk walk, a morning run and lifting weights. But you can also count raking leaves, scrubbing floors and digging in the garden. Move enough to break a sweat. Then you’re burning calories and improving your circulation. (Now you can have an extra piece of chocolate.)

3) Love - Love yourself first – love every bulge, gray hair and wacky personality trait. Then love everyone else – your family, your crazy relatives, your nosy next-door neighbor, the bag lady roaming downtown, the grumpy cashier at Wal-Mart, your pet and all the animals outside your  front door…even the raccoon that tips over your garbage can.   

4) Laugh - Giggles are good, but let them grow into roaring belly laughs, the ones that take your breath away, the ones that won’t stop. Those are the healthiest laughs. You’ve probably heard that laughing decreases stress, increases immune cells and releases endorphins. Did you know it also keeps your blood cells healthy and increases blood flow protecting your heart? (You’ve earned another little piece of dark chocolate yumminess.)

5) Live - Simply breathing, working, eating and sleeping constitutes one way of living. Another way is to choose to seek out new experiences everyday. A person’s financial circumstances will determine how far afield one can go to challenge yourself and explore, but there’s something valuable to discover even in your own backyard.

6) Learn - Learning new things is one my greatest passions. How about you? There are unlimited resources for learning and unlimited things to learn. How to write, how to fix a faucet and how to take great photographs, historical events, how to use your smartphone and how to grow broccoli. Learning stimulates the brain, fends off diseases of aging, can help you connect with other like-minded people, prevents boredom and encourages creativity. 

7) Give – Helping and supporting others is good for the soul and it comes back to you in unexpected ways. Give money, kindness, love,  time, attention, food or a smile. Send a cheerful card to an elderly person living alone; take a meal to sick friend; babysit for a harried mother; let someone ahead of you in line; send a goody package to a college student or a faraway soldier. We have so much to give, even when you think you have nothing at all anyone would want.

8) Thank - Gratitude is a gift that is always welcome. A simple ‘thank you’ is gracious. Don’t wait long to give your thanks. It will weigh too heavily on your heart.

9) Connect – People need people. Simple as that. People live longer, healthier lives when they have happy relationships with a loved one or a pet. Building a satisfying relationship requires learning, giving, thanking and loving. Reach out…and touch someone – just be careful where you touch. 

10) Teach – In my opinion, we have a responsibility to pass along whatever we have learned through living. Teaching is a form of giving and connecting. All of us has something to teach others…unless you’ve lived in a cave all alone. But even then, you can teach someone the art of living alone and cooking for one.

Okay, now go reward yourself with some dark chocolate for your endless virtuosity.

What’s in your Ten Personal Commandments? Are you a list-maker like me, or are you fortunate to have the power of unlimited recall? Please share. I’d really like to know.

If you enjoyed this post, please visit me anytime at my blog, Sexy. Smart. From The Heart.

It’s Spring and I Feel Like…

Today is my first post on our Life List Club blog! It’s all shiny and new.

Oh, just look at that picture of the ocean up there in the header. Don’t you want to be there now? I took that photo on my honeymoon two years ago on Folly Beach, South Carolina.

Every time I look at that ocean, I get tingly and excited! I feel refreshed and ready to begin a new project. Spring has a similar effect on me. I feel the burning desire to clean and organize. I know I’m not alone in feeling this way.

As I was setting myself up on our new blog, I updated and assessed my Life List. The list is comprised of big goals and small, everyday goals. Creating that sort of list prevents you from ever feeling like a slacker, because there is always some small goal you can achieve easily.

Since I’m feeling springy and refreshed, I decided to begin work on one of those goals, a medium-sized one. Painting chairs.

This style chair is similar to the one I painted. Mine was a sage green with tiny flowers painted all over.

Several years ago, I came across the idea to paint chairs for a couple of different uses: 1. painting chairs to be used in your home as a clever accent with color and style, and 2. painting chairs in solid colors or funky patterns to be used in your yard as planters.

I loved the ideas and right away searched yard sales for old, mismatched, or tired chairs that needed some love and care to become a unique addition to someone’s home or yard.

Before rushing home with my treasures, I visited my favorite craft store for paints in dozens of colors (so much fun!) and other tools I’d need. Once home, I started right in on sanding, prepping and painting my chair. I just wish I had taken a picture of it.

I gave the chair, complete with plants, to my closest girlfriend. It was lovingly positioned in her garden near her swimming pool.

I began a second one soon after, however life circumstances changed and I never finished it. That’s how this project made it to my Life List.

Shall I make my almost finished chair an outdoor planter or an inside chair?

Creating A Life List with a variety of goals Is The path to making time for the things you love to do, as well as the things that need to get done.

I’m planning to finish this chair before summer. I also plan to paint a third chair before summer is over.

A Life List serves many positive purposes. This time it served as a reminder to make time for my passions…all of them.

How does your Life List serve you?

To find my previous Life List Club posts, click right here.

Visit me at my Sexy. Smart. From The Heart. Blog